ME 517 GG

I have a picture of a boat. It is next to my desk, on top of the AC unit. There are two boats actually. Of the old rowing style. The water is calm, as if it is glass. I can see three oars in the white boat. The oars, like the boat itself, are wooden. It's a picture of a simpler time, a time when taking a day off work to go fishing was no big deal. When being on the water, without a motor was enjoyable and relaxing. The reflection of the boat on the water is wavy, reminding me that just because something looks picturesque, doesn't mean that life is always calm.

Below the surface, which I cannot see, I am positive that there are hundreds of fish swimming around, waiting for their next bit of food; wherever that comes from. There are water plants that have been growing for thousands of years, which still do not come to the surface. I keep wanting to look past the mat board to see what lies past the boats on this lake. Is it surrounded by weeping willows? Are there other people on the lake? Housings with windows that overlook this lake? Questions are endless as I bask in the glory that I have known before and that I wish I could find here in Colorado.

Glory of a God that created all things. I see this in the mountains and in the way the rain puddles up on the rough, cracked pavement and blacktop, waiting to flow downstream to bask in the softness of the grass. I see it in the people I work with everyday, those with spirits that are looking for refreshment and which are longing for love. A glory that brings to light how much God loves us and how much he longs to be with us. A love that shines down on us with glimpses of grace and mercy from our lover up above. One which reminds us just what it cost to capture us and set us free, to rescue us from the chains and heartaches that we are all too used to.

This is the place where I realize that everything is so much bigger than myself. This is where I attempt to grasp just what that means for my life, my will, my spirit. How do I go from here, a changed person, and live life like I have been changed. What does that mean for me? As a friend, daughter, sister, lover, acquaintance, and more. I don't know. Perhaps I will never know, but I can't stop trying to figure it out. I have to pursue this change, this difference.

This is me, attempting to become more vulnerable, dependent, gracious, loving, kind, gentle, firm, agreeable, and through it all learning to lean on my God whose yoke is easy and burden is light.

Long time, no what...?

No blog - that's what.

More often than not I realize that I don't really fancy this blog writing like I think I should. Whether that stems from not know what to write, or I guess in my case not knowing how much (or how liitle) to write. I'm a bad blogger, this is true.

I am finding life to be busy. I think it has always been busy, I am just starting to realize it a little more. Saturdays tend to be my sleep-in-and-not-do-anything days. It's nice to be able to get some sleep and not worry about when I need to get up. Those days are the best.

This getting up and being to work by 9am has never been my thing, and I'm worried it never will. It's not that I wouldn't like to not have to be to work by 9, it's the fact that there are so few jobs that give me the ability and opportunity to come in later. I think my ideal work day would be 10-6. Yup, that's it. Long enough to be able to stay out late at night and early enough to feel productive.

I have been living life in the fast lane as of late. I have been doing a lot of thigns at work - it is very time consuming. I love what I do but I understand how easy it is to get burnt out. It's easy to give and give and give of yourself, but if I am not filling myself up then I will soon be useless. I have had a fair share of clients come and go already. It's crazy to think that I've only been doing this for a little over 2 months. This job causes time to feel like it goes so quickly.

But it's hard to leave something that you love to do.

I have come to love each and every resident here. They all bring something special to the table. On that note, could you pray for me? I have asked to be able to stay until the end of the year. I will find out by the end of the month (which is in a week and a half)! I want to stay here only if it is where I am supposed to be and if this is what I am supposed to be doing. If I am not supposed to be here I have been praying for a door to be slammed in my face.

I would love to stay here and continue to do what I do and discover more about myself through all of this, but I know that sometimes I want to do things that I am not supposed to be doing. I just want a clear and definitive answer.

If the answer will be no I pray that I would find something else I love to do, that an option would be open in front of my face and that I would feel it and be passionate about it.

If the answer is yes I will be sending out financial support letters to friends and family. I am not expecting anything out of them. If family and friends have extra money to send and indeed want to send me money then I will take what I am offered. I ask that I would not become greedy about the money. It is just hard only making $150 a month and being able to maintain a checking account as well as even think about putting money into a savings account. The LORD my God knows what I need and I am sure that he will provide it.

All in all, things are going extremely well here.

Life is blossoming before my eyes. Friendships are being made and living is pretty swell, as well.


I will attempt to post more, on a more regular basis.

For now I leave you with love.


Blessings <3