ME 517 GG

I have a picture of a boat. It is next to my desk, on top of the AC unit. There are two boats actually. Of the old rowing style. The water is calm, as if it is glass. I can see three oars in the white boat. The oars, like the boat itself, are wooden. It's a picture of a simpler time, a time when taking a day off work to go fishing was no big deal. When being on the water, without a motor was enjoyable and relaxing. The reflection of the boat on the water is wavy, reminding me that just because something looks picturesque, doesn't mean that life is always calm.

Below the surface, which I cannot see, I am positive that there are hundreds of fish swimming around, waiting for their next bit of food; wherever that comes from. There are water plants that have been growing for thousands of years, which still do not come to the surface. I keep wanting to look past the mat board to see what lies past the boats on this lake. Is it surrounded by weeping willows? Are there other people on the lake? Housings with windows that overlook this lake? Questions are endless as I bask in the glory that I have known before and that I wish I could find here in Colorado.

Glory of a God that created all things. I see this in the mountains and in the way the rain puddles up on the rough, cracked pavement and blacktop, waiting to flow downstream to bask in the softness of the grass. I see it in the people I work with everyday, those with spirits that are looking for refreshment and which are longing for love. A glory that brings to light how much God loves us and how much he longs to be with us. A love that shines down on us with glimpses of grace and mercy from our lover up above. One which reminds us just what it cost to capture us and set us free, to rescue us from the chains and heartaches that we are all too used to.

This is the place where I realize that everything is so much bigger than myself. This is where I attempt to grasp just what that means for my life, my will, my spirit. How do I go from here, a changed person, and live life like I have been changed. What does that mean for me? As a friend, daughter, sister, lover, acquaintance, and more. I don't know. Perhaps I will never know, but I can't stop trying to figure it out. I have to pursue this change, this difference.

This is me, attempting to become more vulnerable, dependent, gracious, loving, kind, gentle, firm, agreeable, and through it all learning to lean on my God whose yoke is easy and burden is light.

Long time, no what...?

No blog - that's what.

More often than not I realize that I don't really fancy this blog writing like I think I should. Whether that stems from not know what to write, or I guess in my case not knowing how much (or how liitle) to write. I'm a bad blogger, this is true.

I am finding life to be busy. I think it has always been busy, I am just starting to realize it a little more. Saturdays tend to be my sleep-in-and-not-do-anything days. It's nice to be able to get some sleep and not worry about when I need to get up. Those days are the best.

This getting up and being to work by 9am has never been my thing, and I'm worried it never will. It's not that I wouldn't like to not have to be to work by 9, it's the fact that there are so few jobs that give me the ability and opportunity to come in later. I think my ideal work day would be 10-6. Yup, that's it. Long enough to be able to stay out late at night and early enough to feel productive.

I have been living life in the fast lane as of late. I have been doing a lot of thigns at work - it is very time consuming. I love what I do but I understand how easy it is to get burnt out. It's easy to give and give and give of yourself, but if I am not filling myself up then I will soon be useless. I have had a fair share of clients come and go already. It's crazy to think that I've only been doing this for a little over 2 months. This job causes time to feel like it goes so quickly.

But it's hard to leave something that you love to do.

I have come to love each and every resident here. They all bring something special to the table. On that note, could you pray for me? I have asked to be able to stay until the end of the year. I will find out by the end of the month (which is in a week and a half)! I want to stay here only if it is where I am supposed to be and if this is what I am supposed to be doing. If I am not supposed to be here I have been praying for a door to be slammed in my face.

I would love to stay here and continue to do what I do and discover more about myself through all of this, but I know that sometimes I want to do things that I am not supposed to be doing. I just want a clear and definitive answer.

If the answer will be no I pray that I would find something else I love to do, that an option would be open in front of my face and that I would feel it and be passionate about it.

If the answer is yes I will be sending out financial support letters to friends and family. I am not expecting anything out of them. If family and friends have extra money to send and indeed want to send me money then I will take what I am offered. I ask that I would not become greedy about the money. It is just hard only making $150 a month and being able to maintain a checking account as well as even think about putting money into a savings account. The LORD my God knows what I need and I am sure that he will provide it.

All in all, things are going extremely well here.

Life is blossoming before my eyes. Friendships are being made and living is pretty swell, as well.


I will attempt to post more, on a more regular basis.

For now I leave you with love.


Blessings <3

Forever your girl

I love 80s music. Why does it have to be sooo fun?!

I don't have too much of an update, but I just wanted to post a little, "HI!" to all of your lovely faces! It's crazy how fast time goes, I'm coming home in less than 2 weeks and the more I think about it the more excited and anxious I become for it!

I would like to have a lot of fun while I am there, even if it may mean breaking some concept rules. I just won't tell anyone, especially not Rebecca Kelch ;)
But for real, I am so EXCITEDDDD!!!!!!

I am getting my hair cut, colored and styled tomorrow - hopefully! I don't see a reason why I would not get it done, but it may not come about. I'm letting James do whatever he would like to it. I have no preference. none. Just something FUN!

I should be working on a paper but I am not a little high-strung. I need to release some of the energy. I may stay up pretty late tonight; I really need to bang this paper out! Tis the truth! I wish I had some sort of chatting function to use and talk with people I miss right now. That's one thing that gets me the most frustrated is not being in the loop with regards to people's lives.

Indeedey so. :D

Anyway, I should go and do something, like hw preferably!

Blessings & lots of LOVE!

Play Your Part

"someday we'll all have perfect wings..."
I've picked up on the fact that I have not been living life daily. There are times when I do, don't get me wrong, but the whole line about me wanting to live life daily on a daily basis has not been following suit.

I wish I had more evidence to back this up with. However, I do not. I have not been working on my humongo welfare paper. It's not a good thing. Bonnie hasn't written me back yet and it's very frustrating because I need to know if I am on top of it or if I am not doing what I'm supposed to be doing. It's really becoming a pain in my ass.

The work week last week was really good. Wednesday wa a busy day. I had two meetings with new cases. It went well, for sure. On Thursday I had yet another CM meeting and I did it all by myself! It felt so good to be released from people sitting in on my meetings. Granted, I wanted them to, but to do a meeting all by myself was wonderful. After that I went to a Family2Family meeting put on by one of the agencies around here. It was nice to be able to network a little bit and just see the other agencies who are around here.

Thursday night I went John's (a house manager who used to be an intern of my friend Ashley's) small group for the second time and I really enjoyed it. It makes me wish I was able to go more; I don't know when I'll be able to go next... :( Ashley spoke at the small group this week. Ashley went to Columbine and was a sophomore during the shootings. She has an amazing story and I was honored to be able to hear it once again. It reminds me that God is still in control. After she was done talking we stayed for a couple hours longer at John's house talking and relaxing. Ash is going through a rough time at work right now and she's not sure when it is going to end. Her and John talked about it a lot; it was nice that they were able to share the experience since John was an intern in this specific program before.

Friday was a decent day. I went out that night, and was I ever glad for that. We went to this little bar downtown-ish called Charlie Brown's [it reminded me of all of the people who did Zeke's Ride]. I went with Ash and Crystal (my roommate) as well as 1 other girl and 3 guys from church. I think the thing I appreciated the most about it was seeing that there doesn't have to be a dichotomy between drinking responsibly and Jesus. We actually witnessed to a guy who was there. It was pretty cool actually. This guy had some things in common with Mike, one of the kids from my church, so they were able to lay some ground work. It was good. Besides that, we had a lot of opportunities to get to know one another better. We shared some of our best awkward & embarassing moments.

I never fully realized that I don't really have any embarassing moments. It's intriguing really. How can I not have embarassing moments? I did finally have one just yesterday! I was coming out of the front office after sitting in a chair to get a drink of water. I made it from the office to the drinking fountain and finally my friend Jim told me that my dress was stuck in my leggings. Praise Jesus for the fact that I was actually wearing leggings. It would have been really embarassing had I not been! :)

I'm working on studying for my clep exam that I will take a week from tomorrow. I ask for your prayers that I would be able to pass the test because I have studied well. !

On that segway - I'm going to get back to studying now.

Blessings!

Must be.

I have noticed that I tend to make posts at nighttime when in reality I should be close to sleeping.

I'm impressed with people as of late. Sometimes they just surprise you.
On Saturday afternoon I went to my church to meet up with some of the other attenders. We then went out and canvassed the neighborhoods to invite people to come to our Easter service. I went with Brad, a 20 year old Denver native, and we started out knocking on doors. But we just weren't really feeling it. So, we just started to walk around - go where we felt led and so on. In the midst of this God was working. It's amazing the way things begin to work out. We met a few people, mostly homeless. We handed out little pieces of paper that told of what we were going to be doing, but that wasn't the extent of our works.

We went up to two homeless people in the park next to our church and handed out flyers to them. They came this morning. Now, as far as I know they didn't stay for the service, but we did provide them with a most delicious breakfast and friendly hospitality. We did what we could, and now God has to work in them. The seed has been planted, and that was what we wanted.

Next we walked around and saw parts of the city we've never seen before. It was good. That was when we met Vincent. He was a cute old man, with yellow eyes and crooked and missing teeth. We talked with him for a few minutes. We gave him a sheet and told him we would love to see him. He was a fantastic man. We asked if we could pray for him but he said no. It was okay, though. God was doing a work in him and still is. I was sad that he didn't make it to church this morning. I have been praying for him off an on throughout the entire day. I miss him. When we left him, we both gave him big hugs. My heart went out to him.

As we left him and continued to try and feel where we were supposed to be going, we ran across more people. Some young 20 guys playing a game of pickup in a little park. We gave them the flyers, but I could tell that they weren't feeling it. It was rather awkward, but I'm still glad we intiated some kind of contact with them. Who knows what God will grow in them in the coming months or years.

I felt that God was using us the whole time. It was amazing to get out and talk with people and to offer up help if we could. One of the last stops we made before we headed back was at a house with a lady coming out of the door. At first Brad and I walked past her but I felt God saying, "go to her." It was kind of a mutual unspoken decision between Brad and I to go back. We did and gave it to her. She, Telula, told us that she acutally attended Providence [how cool is that?] and that she was planning on going anyway. We were about to leave when Telula asked if either of us had $5 or $10 bucks that we could give her. Neither Brad nor I had any money on us, but Brad was gracious enough to run back to his car and grab some for her.

So, while he ran there I stayed with Telula and asked her about her life and her situation. She told me about her life, that she was currently homeless but recieved deceased widow benefits and that she had a voucher for section 8 housing. We talked a little more and I told her that I would worked for the DRM and that I would probably be able to help her. So I got some more information about her life and wrote it down. While we were talking, two men that she knew came up and were also asking me questions. Here is the strange part... One of the men that had come up to us was at DRM the previous Thursday and I actually had sat in on intake with him and Steff. We were not able to provide the help that he needed because he did not qualify for our program but I had felt a strong inkling to help him but I wasn't able to act upon it at that time. Isn't it curious that the Lord would bring him back into my life?

I told him that I would look into a few options and that I would get back to him sometime this week. So, after I came back to the Crossing last night, I went to my office [where I now currently sit] and looked up a few different options for him. It's still a work in progress, but I feel like it is something that I needed to do. After that Brad and I walked back to Providence and proceeded to go our separate ways. He was going to take the two guys that we had just met out for a sandwich and I was going to Ashley's house to hang with Seabrooke [yes, that is her real name...] for a while.

Then, to add more wood to the fire, I saw him again this morning after coming back from the church's easter egg hunt! Might I add that Denver is not a small city. There are many parts to it. I was impressed with seeing him again. I do not believe that things are coincidence

Coincidence is God's way of staying anonymous.

So I am pushing on and am continuing to look for housing options for him.

With that in mind, could I ask for your prayers? I want to glorify God in this and the only way I know how is to seek him and to ask for his guidance and grace. I would love to be able to find housing for this man, but I know that there are a few factors that may inhibit this process and I would just like for God to be in the midst of it. I would also like prayer for myself, that I would learn of the best places to refer people and to be able to compile a list and a relationship with other case managers around here. That I would be able to effectively convey the message of the crossing to those who need it and that I would become a competent case manager.
Blessings,
Am

Life Won't Always Be This Way

That's a funny concept to think about, yes? That life won't always be this way.
Life and the living is well these days. Sure, there are some things that weigh me down, but it all works out in the end. How wonderful to know that; that TRULY in the end, we win. GOD wins. It's fantastic. :)

I'm working on writing a paper right now for my Social Welfare Policies class. It's a bit rough going, I guess. I'm just trying to do it and do it well. and soon. Things are catching up to me and will continue to do so until graduation. There is so much work to do between now and then, it can be a bit overwhelming. But then I remember to take it one step at a time and it gets better.

Right now I am beginning to look for a job that will help me sustain the lifestyle here.

It's been tougher than I thought to make $140 a month.

I have credit card bills to pay along with a phone bill.

that doesn't leave me much for spending money...

Oh well - what's a girl to do? Find a job and stop complaining, that's what :)

So on that note; I have been looking into jobs.

I kind of applied for one this weekend as a weekend residential coordinator through VAC.

I don't know if I'm qualified for that...we shall see.

It would be very good experience for me.

I have also been looking into part time nanny jobs.

Starting on Monday I switch internships.

I'll be working with STAR [Strategic Transitional Assistance & Response].

There I will be a case manager and will be able to put my

social work skills to work.

It will be a nice change. I was starting to get a smidge bored with Champa.

It was hard having only one kid in the program I was working in.

This last week I felt like I wasn't really needed.

And when I don't feel like my services are needed-

I don't feel obligated to go to work.

It's not a good situation.

Nope, nope, nope

Well, I should prolly get to working on this paper.

Or get to sleeping.

Leaving for church at 8:40 tomorrow morning...

I stayed up until 3 last night

perhaps not the best choice.

But slept til 1 this afternoon.

that was a better choice.

most definitely.

Good, good, good or good?

Good is life & life is good.
I know - it doesn't make any sense and I'm not sure that I would be pleased if it did.

Did you know: there are 45 definitions for the word GOOD in the dictionary. How is that possible you say. I myself am not quite sure. Could you imagine understanding the difference and applying that to the word every time you used it?

I can't.

In the past two weeks, I have seen 3 different movies in the theaters. Marley & Me, New In Town & InkHeart. They have all had good parts in them. And I don't feel bad about seeing them since, after adding the three prices up, I've only spent $11. CRAZY, yes? Yes, considering that I spent $10 on one of them alone, and a mere $ .50 on each of the other two. Oh, and before that, I saw a movie in February: Paul Blart: Mall Cop. I'm not even ashamed to say that I liked it a little bit...

I enjoy $ .50 movies! I don't even mind the fact that they are a little bit older.

Growing up, we rarely went to see movies in the theater.

We waited until they came out on DVD so we could rent them.

I like seeing movies in theater.

I also like writing in small type.

Life is treating me well right now. There are definitely times when I like to complain - mostly about the lack of car, but honestly I've got it good here.

Not gonna lie.

Last night was one of my most eventful nights since I've been here.

And by eventful I mean where I've done the most different things

and that I've stayed up the latest.

I went with Ashley & Candace to what I like to refer to as SAG

Single's Awareness Group.

Which it wasn't by any means.
Well, I guess that it did kind of make me aware that I am single,

but not in a depressing kind of way.

This was actually a young adult night put on by the worship pastor of Providence

Who also happens to be from Michigan.

We had a good chat about that.

and Minnesotan accents, don't-cha-know.

After that, I left rather hurriedly because we

[Pearson, Crystal, Isaiah, Isaiah's friend, myself and SeaBrooke]

were going to go to Red Rocks and hang out a lil.

SeaBrooke & Isaiah both drove and we wound up racing.

SeaBrooke, Crystal & I won, of course.

I would never ride in a losing car.

And I made a new friend in SeaBrooke

I enjoy new friends!

So much!

Well Red Rocks was FREEZING! but it was lots of fun.

Pearson brought her guitar and Isaiah's friend, Will, played it for us a bit.

He's good at guitar which was nice.

Singing in the Ampitheater was fantastic!

The sound was amazing.

As was the view of the city of Denver from there.

Which I wish I would have gotten a picture of. :[

After we left Red Rocks, we raced to The Shoppe -

a sweet Cereal Bar/Cupcake Shoppe.

It's greatness in the making, of that I am sure :D

We were there until closing - which is 2 am!

I am going out on a limb to say that this was the longest I have stayed up since I've been in Denver.

It's kind of AMAZING mixed with SAD and DISAPPOINTING.

I have been through all of those little emotions.

But you do what you can, I reckon.

So, yes. That was my night.

It was good [advantageous; satisfactory for the purpose]