Contentment vs. happiness

Sometimes I have a wave of disenchantment. A disenchantment that I will ever be happy. This is different than being joyous - I am most often full of joy because joy is not based on my circumstances - it is based on my creator, the one I love, who loves me back with a love that can never be taken away.

Happiness, however, is based on contentment is completely based on my circumstances. This happiness is based on my friends, time spent with those I consider friends, not having a job, not having a ton of fun things to do, not having my own car, on and on and on and on...

Sometimes when I am not happy, it settles in my stomach and reminds me of all those things that I don't have or that I'm not taking advantage of. It's always something I tell you.

Sometimes I'm happy when I spend time with myself, other times I CRAVE spending time with other people. I get discouraged when I am want to spend time with people and no one is around to do so. It really pisses me off, actually. I have that personality that when i want to be "introverted" I am absolutely find being such, but when I am forced to be introverted, I cannot stand it. Not at all. Today is one of those days where I'm fining myself being forced to be introverted. I am probably making a part of this up, but I have that feeling in my stomach that crawls up my back and makes me shiver... It's that pit-like feeling that causes me to verge on anger.

Oyevey.

So, happiness, I just need to stop depending on you. There is no reason you need to decide what I do or why I do it. There is nothing good about you. happiness and feelings are no use to me. It's about finding my contentment in Jesus who is my real reason for doing what I do... Though why is this such a hard thing to do? Why does this tend to be SO difficult?!

I just have to remind myself daily not to become dependent on the situations that I stumble into. I have to remind myself that regardless of my circumstances, I am who I am by the grace of God. I am still learning who I am becoming and am finding my way in this thing I call life.